Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm Back!

Ok, I haven't posted anything in forever. The last five months since our failed IVF have seemed to fly by in some respects but terribly slow in other repects. Losing my grandmother the same day as our embryo transfer was bitter sweet. She was thrilled for me and Chad about the possibility of parenthood. Her last communication with us was when I went in to see her in ICU and she woke up when I called her name. I told her that I loved her and that I needed her to wake up because tomorrow was my big day, the transfer, she opened her eyes, smiled, and raised her hand in excitment. That was the last communication we had. She slipped away early the next morning.

My precious husband bought me a great book for my birthday called Hannah's Hope. It is written by a woman who suffered with infertility for ten years!!! She provides wonderful Biblical advice for dealing with the longing for a child as well as practical advice for others who are suffering with infertility.

I was reading the author's blog the other day and she had this poem and I wanted to share it. I feel that everyone has something in their lives that God has asked them to wait for.... (it didn't copy and paste in the format I wanted it to but hopefully you can follow it. It's taped to my mirror in the bathroom.)

WAIT(Taken from "Follow Me!" by Russell Kelfer, copyright 1995.Published by Discipleship Tape Ministries, Inc., and Into His Likeness Publications.Used by permission.)

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait.""Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply."Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word."My future, and all to which I can relateHangs in the balance, and you tell me 'wait'?I'm needing a 'yes,' or a go-ahead sign,Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign."And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,We need but to ask, and we shall receiv.And Lord I've been asking, and this in my cry:I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fateAs my Master replied once again, "You must wait."So I slumped in my chair, defeated and tautAnd grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mineAnd He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run."All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;You'd not know the power that I give to the faint."You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,When darkness and silence was all you could see."You would never experience that fullness of loveAs the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,But you'd not know the depth and the beat of my heart."The glow of My comfort late in the night'The faith that I give when you walk without sight;The depth that's beyond getting just what you askFrom an infinate God who makes what you have last."And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you."So be silent, my child, and in time you will seeThat the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,My most precious answer of still...wait."